About McCusker of the Diamonds

Its been about ten years or so
Since I woke in the night with a jolt
For out of the blue
A nightmare came true
Was McCusker - really a Claymore?

A poetry lesson learnt hard
McCusker should've been on guard
He should give up the prose
Surely he knows
He is 'no way' a match for The Bard

What that wee nyaff fae the Diamonds?
He was laughed at and beaten and flattened
Steely, Max, Irwin and Wai
Would make the poor bugger cry
As his team were convincingly battered

McCusker, with what can you rhyme it?
Just couldn't find anything to fit
But I soldiered on
Busker, tusker not on
So we'll just have to make do with halfwit

Google 'Diamond Rap' go on, I dare
But I warn you, you must beware
You'll laugh till it hurts
At the collection of turds
On an open topped bus in George Square

McCusker couldn't muster a word
As his head banged the earth with a thud
If it wasn't for Steely
Shedding all the blocks freely
No Way would never've been heard

On a glorious Ravenscraig day
McCusker did utter 'NO WAY'
In all the confusion
He knew the conclusion
That there is only one team in Glezgae

The Diamonds, a bit of a messup
Tamburrini in stockings would dressup
McCusker 'NO WAY'
Its a terrible day
I'm off to do 50 pressups

Hark at O' Line of the Diamonds
Short arse talentless daschunds
Penetration, so easy
For 'kicking pose' Steely
They should've been called Glasgow Hymens

Oh Dear Steve, the Redskins and Villa
Partick Thistle match, hardly a thriller
But it's your first choice that's pish
Every Saturday I wish
That your team still owned crap Kenny Miller

Magnificent film is dear Chitty
Truly Scrumptious now there's a nice bitty
But McCusker's selection
Prokokes not an erection
The Ol' bamboo sleeps, what a pity

You're having some trouble recalling?
My swim moves and forklifts and mauling?
I know its hard to view
Number 69 steaming through
Coz on yer fat Diamond erse ye had fallen

Percussionist Henry Mancini,
After drinking a vat of Martini
Hung his head down in shame
For his newborn was named
Xylophoni, no, wait, Tamburrini

Poor Stevie had a run in with gravity
He fell on his big ginger cavity
He should be over the moon
That we've forgotten so soon
Milngavie garden night prowl Depravity

Poor Stevie, his flight was delayed
At Prestwick departures dismayed
Serves the big tosser right
Ryanair are pure shite
What'd he expect for the two quid* he paid?
*Plus applicable taxes and charges

McCusker, he's clickety click
Knee noise makes me feel really sick
No cartilage, bursitis
Shagged cruciates, arthritis
Explains why he wore sixty-six

Sixty six, he was looking dejected
Doing pressups, he solemnly reflected
For three times in a row
'Gainst the pride of Glasgow
He'd been unceremoniously ejected